Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize