yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize