her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
