Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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