he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
