I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
