dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
PANTIES FOUND
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