everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
