i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's official drugs can't kill me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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