my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
