No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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