He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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