I am puke
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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