im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
