I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?