dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
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i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child