I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
