dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.