First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
