Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Help me help you realize you are a moron
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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