and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize