I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
