nut hugger
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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