I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I deserve this hangover.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
