Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
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Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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