She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
