Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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