why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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