you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
