you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
