the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
