im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
