Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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