My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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