he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
