I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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