That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
