4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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