Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
