I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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