I just threw up on my dentist
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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