Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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