quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
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I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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