we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
They left me at home... I'm a liability
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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