I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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