On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
