He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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