it wasn't lemon gatorade
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize