i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
