I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
