Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
