so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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