Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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