and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
