I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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