why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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