I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
