Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
