So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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