I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
