I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
