You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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