so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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