i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize